People who are grieving need support. But what the support looks like is different for every single person.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. And what you need may change day to day. So having a support system that can adapt along the way is ideal.

We understand no situation is ideal, so these are some of our best suggestions. But if something doesn't resonate with you, it's absolutely okay to skip any of it.

If reaching out for support feels uncharacteristic or awkward, remember it takes a special kind of strength to admit that you can’t carry everything alone. In a world that often prizes "rugged individualism," showing your vulnerability is actually an act of bravery.

"The irony is that we attempt to be brave by helping everyone else, but we are at our bravest when we let ourselves be helped and held by others." — Unknown

We want to encourage you to engage your support system, a group of 1-5 or so very close friends or family members, less impacted by this loss than you.

Suggestion: Send a message asking for support. Group text messages/emails are okay for this. People understand that you may have limited energy for individualized messages.

• Hi everyone, I wanted to let you know that my [Relationship with Loved One] died.
• [Insert more context or information if you want to, such as where/when/if this was a surprise.]
• I'm [insert briefly how you feel].
• It would mean a lot to me if you would [insert ways people can support you, such as check on you/bring a meal/help with a chore].
• [If you are asking a specific type of support, ask if the person will be able to support you that way].

If you don't know what you need, that is perfectly normal. If that is the case, our best advice is to tell your closest support system. "I'm just not sure what I need, so please stay flexible with me and support me however you see fit."

If you're in a relationship, consider your partner one of the 1-5 people in your support group. We encourage everyone to have a non-romantic partner supporting them as well.

If you don't have 1-5 people to support you, that is perfectly normal. In that case, consider a peripheral friend, former coworker, or acquaintance from a spiritual place who may have experienced something similar. Note: Avoid current colleagues or teachers.

If you aren't getting the support you need from the people in your closest circle, that is also very common. It can hurt terribly to not feel supported when you need it the most. We're very sorry that you have to face this additional burden. We're hopeful that it's because your support system, like most of us, often feels like they don't know what to say or when to say it. In that case, we'd encourage you to gently remind your support group. "I'm [how you are feeling], and I could use more support from you [include specific ways if possible].

It's common that the people surrounding you can't support you because of their own responsibilities, limited experience, or personal grief. If you find yourself in that situation, our best advice is to seek a support group.

In summary, we believe that people need support, and we encourage you to find it where you can. We believe it's brave and the kindest thing you can do for yourself when you need it the most.

When people try to support you, it's also very common for some of their best attempts to support you to fall flat.

Suggestion: Share the posts below with people who may be accidentally saying things that aren't as helpful as they could be.